Senior Sex Life Coaching

Helping individuals and couples 70s and beyond increase enjoyment of their sex lives

Sex in our 70s and beyond can enrich our lives, sense of wellbeing, and satisfaction. It helps to optimize our mental, emotional, and physical health. Senior sex is good for brain health, helping to offset dementia and cognitive decline. And, in general, can be just plain fun! If you are having problems with your sex life, want to improve it, or just want to have one, contact me. Singles, couples, LGBTQ+–it doesn’t matter. I’m here to help. If you haven’t already, read my blog post on Senior Sex.

I’m not some ‘youngster’ trying to help you what to do. I’m right in there with you. At 75, with BPH (benign prostatic hyperplasia), and other age-related limitations, I’ve had to make quite a few adjustments in my sex life. Luckily, I had a very accommodating and understanding partner. I’m in a singles-phase now and deeply miss the intimacy and sexuality of that relationship.

At this age, our sexuality can become so much more meaningful, intimate, and delightfully complex. Sensate approaches involving touching and massage, deep authentic honesty about who we are and what we want, oral sex, sexual adventures and experimentation are all there waiting to be explored.

In our journey together, I will draw from my own personal background in mental health, biology, and personal experiences. In the mental health area, I was a licensed professional counselor for 23 years with specialities in Clinical Sexology and Clinical Hypnotherapy, among others. My background in biology, including human anatomy, physiology, neuro- and psycho-biology, and genetics, gives me a deep understanding of human sexuality. As for life experiences, I have a substantial range here also to draw from.

While our journey together may be therapeutic, we are not doing therapy. We all bring issues that may need to be resolved into relationships. Resolving those is therapy. For therapeutic issues, I will recommend you work with a licensed mental health therapist, as I am retired from that phase of my professional life. Rather, life coaching is about looking to where you want to go and then getting there. Coaching is about finding better ways to live your life and building a happier, healthier life. In coaching, we can acknowledge issues, and find ways to work with or around them.

Most of my coaching services are via phone or Internet (Zoom).

To schedule a free 15-minutes, introductory phone/Zoom interview, text me at (864) 508-0781. Add, ‘Senior Sex’ at the start and be sure to include your name. We will set up a time to get together.

While sex in our 70’s (and beyond) may require redefining and adjusting, it is still not only possible but to be encouraged. For us Seniors, there are many benefits in maintaining our sex life as we age. Sex has positive benefits for our mental, emotional, and physical health. It strengthens our immune systems, helps maintain cardiovascular health, stimulates brain growth (neurogenesis) and cognitive health. And, for us guys, it can lower the chances of prostate cancer. If that were not enough, it can increase our enjoyment, pleasure, and engagement in life. Riding on the WaveCrest of the Baby Boomers, senior sex is becoming a hot topic of among us. (Pun intended. ?) 

A recent article in the New York Times, “The Joys (and Challenges) of Sex After 70,” reminded me of a recent conversation with my urologist. In response to some comments he made, I told him that one of my specialties in counseling was in clinical sexology, but that I had retired. He asked me to reconsider as their practice was desperate for someone to refer their patients to.  

When seniors want to talk to someone about their sexuality, who do they call? Your physician? If you’re a male, your physician may write you a prescription for Cialis or Viagra, if your issue is erectile dysfunction (ED). However, in medical schools, most physicians receive minimal, if any, education in helping seniors with their sexuality.  

In today’s post, I want to draw from that NYT’s article and add some of my own comments from my own experiences as one of these old farts, as a retired clinician, which includes clinical sexology, and from my biological background. 

Senior sex can require some rethinking about our sexuality. We can’t just do what we used to do. Our bodies won’t let us. What we enjoyed in our 20’s is not what turns us on now. Sex was easy in our 20’s, etc., now we may have to work at it a little more and come at it differently. 

Maybe it is time to let go of those hangups about sex, inject some adventure, explore new areas and aspects of our sexuality and senior lives. True, all this can require a commitment of time and energy, but the costs can be extremely rewarding and life enriching. 

Sex can get better as we age. It becomes less about fucking (intercourse) per se. It can be more expansive, more about sensate adventures. More emotionally and sensually intimate. Touching, open, authentic communication. Allowing ourselves to be more vulnerable. Ignore mainstream media—or those porn sites—that show sex being so easy.  

Women, old vaginas don’t lubricate so well? There is an entire range of lubricants to try out that will help with that issue. Besides, that wonderful clitoris is still there, willing and able, and right there within easy reach. Play with that baby. Show it some love. Have your partner help. Vibrators? There is even a company out there that specializes in vibrators for us older folks, both women and men.  

Men, old penises don’t get so erect and hard anymore? Not only is there Cialis and Viagra to try, but there are other ways to help that issue, e.g., penis pumps that pull blood into the penis. You can have sex with only a partially erect penis with a little helping hand from your partner. You can have orgasms without erections. 

With hypnosis, you can even move erogenous zones to other parts of your body. Imagine, if just shaking someone’s hand, you could have an orgasm? Hmmm. 

And let’s not forget about oral sex! Even to a flacid penis, a blow job feels great and can do the trick. And gees, tongue in vagina, sucking clitorus, anally, I understand, is wonderful. Oral sex can take the place of intercorse, and there are couples that prefer it.

Single? Masturbation will sub if no partner is available. Me, who am now going through a single period in my life, must have mental help on this one. Just rubbing it does not do it. I must be mentally engaged too. Imagination and memories can play a role here. I have quite a few erotic memories I can call up. 

Orientation? Come out of the closet. It is now or never, baby. Bisexual? Explore. Threesomes, group sex, swinging parties and get togethers? It’s all out there. Google it. Nude beaches? They’re great. Variety is the spice of life. Drop your inhibitions at the door along with your clothes.  

As we age, we can have a better sense of what we want and not be afraid to ask for it—even demand it. Work on your current relationship or start a new one. Maybe it is time to try an open marriage if your partner is unwilling or unable? 

For those that would like help in this important area, or know someone who does, I will soon be offering ‘Senior Sex ‘ Life Coaching through my website, darrellyardley.com/SeniorSex. Not only will I draw from my experience and training in Clinical Sexology and Clinical Hypnotherapy, but from my background in biology and psychobiology, and, of course, from my own life experiences.